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Marlene kept shaking her head and tsking as she went through my closet. “Girl, we are going shopping. You have become the queen of frump and this will not do for you to pick up men on your vay-cay!” she practically whined.

I wasn’t planning to pick up men on my vacation… this was all Marlene’s idea… she was convinced my vagina was petrifying in place since the last sex I’d had was six years ago. She was a huge fan of active and frequent sex but she also was married to the sweetest, kindest, sexiest man who would do anything for her. I only knew married men or losers and online dating was just depressing.